We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
