The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
