come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
