hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
