I'm really into asian looking animals
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
