I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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