Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
