She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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