did you get engaged???
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
