i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
