She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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