she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
