17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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