i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
