Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
