Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
