somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
