I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
