I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
