apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
