I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
