im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
