we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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