This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
