I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My ATM looks so different sober.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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