theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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