I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
