i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
