He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
