she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
