Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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