He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
