i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
