If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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