I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
