Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
