some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
