eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
