I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
