Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
