I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
