Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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