you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
