Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
