I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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