it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
