Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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