Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
