I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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