Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
