bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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