Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
