with your own penis?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
