I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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