I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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